That doesn't seem correct

Hi everyone.

I really have been so busy with finishing my college and not deciding what to do with my life and reading books and watching movies and watching TV series that I have almost completely forgotten the fact that I own a blog and used to write interesting things (or I so claim them to be) in it. I always happen to have a backup blog post when I used to post a new blogpost back then, meaning that I always have two posts being written at the same time. But the last post that I wrote and posted wasn't quite in that scenario and I had no drafts for the next post. What am I talking? You don't need to know all that. Or do you? I don't know man. It's been a long time since I stopped writing and I honestly don't think I'm talking any sense at this point. See, I do have a lot of stories in my life in which I have been stupid, clever (by this I mean, less stupid), awesome, scared, beaten the shit out of, mocked the hell out of and I could keep on writing them but the sad thing is that you couldn't digest most of the stories and I wouldn't want you to put your lives at risks by making you read all of them. I think I am kind of doing it right now. Eh, what the hell? Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do.

So here's the deal. I'm gonna start telling you what I really want to tell you in this blog. Okies? Cool. I have this weird disorder that I have to constantly keep correcting people of their mistakes. It was okay at first but as time went by, it got worse. Even I am sick of it by now and I can't seem to control it whatsoever. It has been in me from long back. Me and my mom had this habit of finding mistakes in stuff. Like most of the time it was a misspelled English word or a sentence in a public place/shop which made the meaning funny. This was because my mom was an English teacher and she was bothered by those mistakes. It is from her where I get my English genes and we both kind of enjoyed doing it as they mostly brought out laughs. For example, in a lodge, it was written "Mate" in the plug point where the mosquito mat was to be plugged in. And it literally gave out the wrong meaning given the fact the we were at a low priced lodge and it was "mate" that was written near the bed. You get the point, right? But I was only 13 or something only then. I honestly didn't know better of what that 'mate thing' meant but at that time I was annoyed by the spelling mistake. And with things like these, I grew up.

I was like in the sixth or seventh grade when these happened and I wasn't learning that much English too. But by the time I finished my tenth public exams, I started to watch English movies for the very first time. I think I might have mentioned this earlier. My friends had suggested me to watch some animated movies. I didn't now back then that there were animation studios and all. I was really bad at the "behind the scenes" stuff. Later when I got to my senses, I got to know that those movies were made my an animation studio called the Pixar. And boy, Pixar is a great animation studio that has made and is making pretty awesome movies. It was then when I got introduced to the world American media. You know there is a lot of difference between a Tamizh movie and a Hollywood movie. Unlike Tamizh movies Hollywood focuses more in terms of script, acting and post production rather than choreographed dancing, laws-defying stunt sequences and absurd comedy parts like the ones in the Kollywood (yeah, like putting a K in Hollywood is enough). I apparently liked English and this made me like the language even more. So, that is how I started falling in love with English and later I took up book reading which made it even more intense.

Like I said, the spelling mistakes used to bother me a lot. With all the English stuff I was going through, I clearly learned a lot of new words and learned to use them in the proper context with the help of the movies that I watched, the books that I read and later on, the TV series that I loved. You could simply categorize me as a Grammar Nazi but that wouldn't quite fit into what I correct people of. I had a lot of different thoughts. I am an atheist and I had different set of beliefs. I thought the dating concept was a better way of selecting a partner than the arranged marriages. And I thought women should be given equal rights in ways of how they actually should be treated unlike how they are being treated in India. Then I came to my senses and concluded that most Indian movies were and are, to put it perfectly, non sense. And the critics are false praising them. I started having different opinions on humor as I started watching more and more TV series sitcoms and standup comedies. To be clear, I started liking America more and more with all the American proliferation that is happening around. That is where I learned the English. I could even say that I have learned better English via the American show business than all of my 19 years worth of school and college education combined. And there is no disagreeing with that.

Yeah, my brain is kinda messed up with all of these running in my mind constantly. Movies, Books, TV series, Dating, Humor, Culture etc. So, my set of thoughts and ideologies changed completely. This made the correcting-people thing stronger. Now that I have a totally mixture of thoughts inside me, my brain started being a douche. It started to disagree with most people's opinions. I know this is not a good thing but my brain consistently had counter arguments on how their opinion is solely based on stupidity. Well, I don't say this out aloud. If I had had done that, I most probably will be in jail right now. Anyways. I know that everyone is entitled to their own opinions. But the thing is my brain thinks that my set of opinions alone are right and has the urge to correct people if their opinions are rubbish.

For example

1.      If a friend of mine says a word wrong, I'll be there teaching him the proper pronunciation. 

2.       If I see a sign that has a wrong spelling, I need to tell it to someone that it is wrong. 

3.      If someone on facebook make a spelling mistake in his/her status, there I am astreisking in the comment section with the correct spelling of the word. 

4.      If a person sings a song with the wrong lyrics, there I am telling him/her the correct lyrics.

5.      If someone talks about rituals in marriage/funeral/baby-shower that make no sense, I have to know why they do it and I will ask "Would it make a difference if you didn't do it?"  

6.      If someone shoots a video in the phone vertically, there I am explaining to them on how the output would be on the computer and they should shoot the video horizontally. 

7.      If someone talks about the omnipotent, I probably won't do anything. Because I know I can't have a rational argument with them.

This is how I turned into this corrector maniac. But I thought this was it and I could control it. As I always say, universe has different plans for us. I had a whole lot of correcting waiting for me when a new letter was taught to me in the last year. I need to tell what this is exactly because chances are that you may not know how to pronounce this letter also and even if I told you how to do it right, you couldn't pronounce it right unless you really tried. Worst case scenario, you would argue that you are telling it right, even though you will be not. This is only for the Tamizh speaking people, so if you are not of Tamizh origin, you can skip the fore coming paragraphs but you can read if you wanna know what this fuss is all about. There is a this letter in Tamizh language, in fact it is in the word Tamizh itself. If you are one of the guys who is wondering why I have spelt Tamil with a zh, I'm really sorry to break it to you. You can't say zha.

As surprising as this might be, I, myself had no idea that this letter is pronounced different until recently. I knew where to use the letter in dialect but by no chance did I know how to pronounce. I worked so hard to make it work and finally have mastered the art of saying zha. And the sad thing is that most people still don't know how to do it. It is weird because I was one of those people who had no clue as of how to say it and after learning it, it became way too hard for me to ignore people who pronounce it in the wrong way.

Let me explain. There are three 'la's in the Tamizh language namely,

1.      Fat la (Gundu la)

2.      Stick la

3.      (Kuchchi la)

4.      Special la (Sirappu la or zha)

The special la (zha) isn't how you read this English la but it is kinda much more deeper. That is why the spelling 'zha' is used to express it to isolate it from the other two 'la's. When I was in my first year of college, I didn't know of this zha thing and would pronounce all the three 'la's with the same pronunciation. My college was in Chidambaram where people of that region say zha more perfectly than anyone in the whole state. The month I joined in the college was the end of the rainy reason and we would have to express a lot of "I think it might rain today" or "It's raining" or "Did you see that song with Tamannaah dancing in the rain?" The third question was asked mostly by me. Tamannaah, right? Back to the story... The word for rain in Tamizh is 'mazhai' is pronounced with the special la and word 'malai' is the one that has the fat la that gives out the meaning mountain. Being the non-pronouncer of zha that I was, I would express the rains as mountains making all my sentences into "It's mountaining" and "it might mountain today". It doesn't mean the same in English but you get the point, no? I was pronouncing it as malai instead of mazhai. So it is pretty easy but since no one had taught me this earlier I couldn't say it as I never knew that it existed.

The thing that finally made me actually pronounce it properly was a guy named Vishal Dadlaani. He is one of my favourite singers. He did a track with Anirudh in the movie Vanakkam Chennai called "Oh Penne Pennne." He is from North India and he says zha much better. I was actually surprised that he could tell it without having to struggle. I don't know whether there is a letter for this zha is Hindi or not but it was in him where I really learned the difference. Later I came to know that there might be a special la in Hindi too. But I am not really sure. If you are reading this and you speak fluent Hindi, let me know if such a la exists in Hindi. After that, I heard the song "Pazhagikalaam" by Aadhi. That is the only song that you need to hear to hear if you need to know the difference in the pronunciation of the zha. Learning the zha wasn't just as easy as I thought it would be. I literally had to be 'Zha conscious' all the time and I was.

Every time a la is in a sentence my brain works so fast as to where in the upper mouth should my tongue touch to make the right sound. I was constantly aware of the Zha. See, the stick la is made by the tongue touching the teeth and the skin adhering to it on the upper jaw at the same time. The fat la is made by touching a little behind where the stick la requires to be touched. And the special zha is made by folding the tongue and touching the inner upper jaw skin with the top of the tongue. It kinda needs some working to do to actually pronounce it right. I seriously don't know whether you've understood  or not. I don't know how exactly to express this in text. If you meet me in person, we can dance around all day with this word. If you are reading this and you already know how to say zha, you might understand what I am trying to explain here. I personally was struggling a lot to get this right. As I was always zha-conscious I get mixed up with the other two 'la's. I started blabbering when my brain could not analyze what la to use when I am in the middle of a sentence talking to someone. And after months of practice, here I am writing a post on how I learnt it and how annoying I am about to get in the coming months.

  

Yeah, it is a complicated letter. When I correct this specific letter in people when they are speaking, they one, try it for three or four times and say "screw it, I am gonna stick with my set of las cause I don't care". Two, they don't see the difference and say "Stop talking nonsense, okay?". Three, some poeple actually get it right in the fifth try even though they have never pronounced it before. I actually envy these guys. They learn so quickly whereas I took a really long time to learn it. But they had someone to teach them in what their tongues should do to make the right sounds whereas I learned on my own. I don't do this to insult them or offend them or mock them because they don't know the spelling/song lyrics/pronunciation, I do this because I don't want them to be carrying the mistake to other places where people actually might see it different. And also not to inherit the mistake gene to the next generation. People don't quite like it if I do that and I turn out to be the annoying guy who corrects people always. I thought I was alone and surprisingly, Ted Mosby from How I met your mother and Ross Geller from F.R.I.E.N.D.S are the same as I. In fact, I am exactly like them in most ways.

I am trying not to do it and my self-control sometimes is overcome by my intuition. I can't really blame myself for that. My mom scolds me when I correct her of the wrong zha that she occasionally lets in the conversation. Then I finally realized that I can keep this thing going but in a way that it does not annoy people in anyway. Why I am saying this is that I deep inside know that I will never be able to stop this weird thing. So, I should learn to use it in a less annoying way. You know, in a polite kind of way. I don't know when such a day is gonna come. All I can say for now is "Fingers Crossed". Anyhow, I made you sit through all this and I am happy because now you know my struggle. Well, it was really nice getting this out of my chest. Thanks again for reading.

Regards,
Guhan. 

(R)Acing Bikes

I have a bad habit. When I try telling something to someone, a story, for example… I stretch it out way too much. Like a book being taken into a three-part movie. It is just the way how my brain works. If you have read most of my blogs or my facebook statuses, you might have an idea by now what I’m trynna say here. The thing that I wanna convey to someone is never straight forward. I add so many details to the plot that it gets way too diverted from the original plot that I forget what I was trying to tell in the beginning. If you are reading this right now, well, you are one of the guys who is new to my blog or who is tolerant to my words or who is someone who I have paid to read my blog. Yeah, my blog sucks.  

This is the first time that I have started the blog without telling you what I am gonna talk about. But sure, you already know what I am gonna tell you because of the title. Yes. But anyways, I have not started to write (or type) what the heading said, now, have I? No, that is the reason I said my blog sucks. 

And my typing just got better and I don’t know how. You see, people say you get perfect with practice. But exceptions are always there, aren't they? The last post I wrote in my blog was a long time ago and I know it. You might not. I’m telling you, ever since “WhatsApp” my productive things have stopped. I mean, stopped, like instantaneously. I have stopped writing blogs, I have stopped youtubing, and I have stopped studying…. well, the “stopped studying” part is obviously a lie. I have never studied even before WhatsApp. Anyhow… Earlier when I started this blog I used to blog often and my typing had been normal. 

But now, all of a sudden I write (or type) after a long time, my typing is good!??! Does that even make sense to you, Mr/Ms. Reader? Okies, let's get down to business. This concept called "riding bikes" (or is it "driving bikes"?) has always been a thing that scares me. I was too afraid of seeing the bikes (especially the fast ones) that I have thought more than a hundred times that I was never going to be able to ride one. But things are not always what you think they are gonna be. To tell you how I’ve been with the bikes from the beginning, there a quite a few interesting stuff off the top of my head that I could think of right now. 

Let me take you on a quick flashback ride. 

*Swoosh* (Am I doing this right?) 

We were in Satchyapuram, Sivakasi where we have our own house which was built in the year 2000. Our relatives were all there. I was like 5 or 6 years old I don’t know. I am too lazy to count now even though I have all the time in the world. Our house is located at the outer parts of Sivakasi. It's a house like the ones you see when you go in a bus and cross the city limits. Yeah, like that. There was a road in front of our home which was a mess and it was just the soil made into a road with the occasional vehicle run-overs. It was pretty bad I would say. On that road, my uncle, a resident of Sivakasi had come in his bike to see our home obviously. At that time, my older brother who must have been 12 or 13 was so enthusiastic that he wanted to ride that bike. 

He somehow managed to swipe the keys somehow and he had “kick started” the bike. He stood there vrooming his bike letting the smoke from the vehicle come out and triggering the global warming. And I, being the 6 year old kid (or 5) was sitting on the back of the vehicle. The crazy part was that I wasn't even wearing a shirt. I was bare bodied showcasing the little of bones I had then. Not 206 that I know for sure. 

You see, in bikes the only thing you gotta get control is the release of the clutch when you shift the gear to drive by putting on the first gear. This takes a little while to get to understand how far you should release the clutch in order for the bike to move. All I knew was that it was a bike. No more did I know then. So, this clutch system is a little tricky at first. This, my brother had not known. I was sitting on the bike one sided. And further more I was half nude. This happened in the morning actually. The sun was scorching. That was the reason why I was not wearing a shirt. The bike was letting out smoke. My brother was accelerating without shifting the gear to drive mode (in neutral gear). 

Simply said, he was getting all the attention. And to a sudden surprise there happened something. You guys know what a wheeling is? It's something that happens when you suddenly let go of the clutch after you shift the gear to the first one. The front wheels takes off like a plane and the back wheels stands its ground. Now had he released it very slow like a driver should do, the bike would have done it's job of moving at a slower pace. But he didn't. He released it like one releases a dog raging to get out of hold. And this turned out to be unfortunate for me. I wasn't even gripping anything for support. I didn't know he would do a wheeling. Not that he did it on purpose, he just didn't know how to release the clutch. So, yeah. I was not holding on to anything; the bike takes off at 90 degree angle. You can guess what the result is. Yes, I fell. Before even getting a smallest chance of riding a bike, I've been in a fall. Great way to be introduced to a Bike, isn't it? 

So, this happened. From that day, I never dared to prefer taking a bike for a ride. And also I am afraid of fast bikes. I don't know how boys drive so fast but when I sit in the backseat with a friend who rides freakin' fast, I panic the sh*t out. The air hitting my face while in a fast drive freaks me out. After that I never touched a bike. I completely avoided going near a ignited bike. I do when I have to go with friends. So this went on for a few years.

The next time I rode a bike was when I 15. Again, in the same bike from which I fell a decade back. I had gone to his home and I wanted to give it a try. I took it out for a spin (is this how they say it to be cool?) in front of his home. I barely moved the bike 500 yards when suddenly an auto came approaching and so obvious that is, I turned off the engine. The auto was standing straight in front of me. I tried moving the bike with my legs but the bike wouldn't move a spare part. I didn't know what to do. I was helpless. But the auto driver was kind enough to tell me that I had to press the clutch in order for the bike to move when in gear. So, I can say that I learnt something that day. Silly, Me. 

Days rolled, years crawled and my dad bought a gear-less vehicle so as to make my mom also drive the two-wheeler. That means only one thing, I had no contact with the geared vehicles even then. In that two-wheeler only I faced an accident. You might know that I wrote a separate post about that. Search my blog. Go, read it if you haven't. Hey, I am just kidding. I won't torture you like that. You are already being tortured here, why go for another one, right? 

When I joined college, I didn't have a bike. Some of my friends were so supportive that they voluntarily gave bikes to me and taught me how to ride. If not for them, I would still be bikilliterate even today. When they taught me riding, I was brave enough to muster up all my courage and go for the take. In contrast to that, when I need to take the bike for an emergency, I could not have the same level of courage. I would fear that I would turn the bike off at a crowded place and be embarrassed. And you know what, riding a bike is in a boy's blood I think. When I finally learnt how to ride the bike thoroughly (or I think I have) I feel an adrenaline rush when the wind hits my face. Once you fell that in your blood stream, you've aced your Bike training. And I have aced mine. At least I think so. 

That's my time guys. I am signing off. See you soon.